Sick Inside
by Dramamamapwnsall
Summary: Because maybe, just maybe, Eclair wasn't as bad as we all thought.


**(I don't own the song, or Ouran. And if you truly, deeply hate Eclair, I don't want to hear, 'OMG, She is like totally OOC, she's a bitch and a slut and you're awful for writing her like this!)**

Éclair Tonnerre was an obedient daughter. And when her family saw that it would be to their interest if she married the to-be patriarch to the Suou family, well, who was she to say no?

_I'm just a girl who  
Kissed a boy who  
Is in love with someone else  
I didn't mean to  
Feel the way I do  
It just happened by itself  
_

But when her maid started to tell her stories about the Suou boy, she felt her heart beat faster, and eagerly awaited the day she would arrive in Japan. But that was before she knew about Haruhi.

_  
And now I'm sick inside  
Yeah, it makes me want to cry  
I'm so sorry about last night  
Yeah, It happened so fast  
I wanted it to last  
In the moment it felt so right  
But now I'm sick inside  
_

She knew instantly that Haruhi was a girl, and felt jealousy erupt within her at the way she looked at _her_ Tamaki. The stupid, filthy commoner. But she also felt a slight twinge of guilt at the way Tamaki looked back, because she knew that he wouldn't do that anymore, after she took him away.

_  
He stopped by my house  
We were hanging out  
He was wondering where you are  
We went walking  
We were just talking  
Then he kissed me by his car  
_

_He proposed to me, _she told herself. But she knew he wouldn't have if his Grandmother hadn't told him to. And as she stood under the shower water, she knew that he didn't love her. Not the way she loved him.

_  
And now I'm sick inside  
Yeah, it makes me want to cry  
I'm so sorry about last night  
Yeah, It happened so fast  
I wanted it to last  
In the moment it felt so right  
But now I'm sick inside  
_

Éclair knew that if she had a choice, then that feeling she had when he asked her, when he proposed, she knew that she would keep it forever, but she didn't have that choice. And even when he proposed, Haruhi's face appeared before her, with the heartbroken look she had seen as the two had talked. And that made her feel sick. Knowing that after she was long gone, by taking Tamaki away, that look would be there for so, so much longer.

_  
Now I'm stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul  
Guess I should of had a little self control  
I knew that it was wrong, I admit it  
I wish there was a way that I could make it alright  
I really want to tell you that I put up a fight  
But that would be a lie  
_

After she had seen the way this would affect Haruhi, even after she felt her heart break for the girl, she hadn't stopped herself. No, she knew that what she was doing was the worst kind of sin, taking away a father from his family. _Fake _family, she thought. But she saw Haruhi's pain on her face, and wished that the two of them were telling the Host Club something else. Something that they would be happy about. She didn't want to hurt these people, who had done nothing to her. _Except take your love away, _she tried to tell herself. But she couldn't even feel anger about that anymore.

_  
And now I'm sick inside  
Yeah, it makes me want to cry  
I'm so sorry about last night  
Yeah, It happened so fast  
I wanted it to last  
In the moment it felt so right  
But now I'm sick inside  
_

She cried about it. She stayed at the Suou estate those nights, the ones before the fair, when she had waited eagerly to meet him, and that night, after he proposed, she cried. She should have been the happiest woman on the planet. Instead, she sobbed.

_  
Now I'm sick inside  
Yeah, It makes me want to cry  
In the moment it felt so right  
_

But it had felt good when they kissed. She thought that ought to account for something. However, she didn't think he felt that. She wished so hard that he could... But he wouldn't feel anything about the woman who was forcing him to leave his home. _I'm not forcing him, _she thought. But she knew she was.

_  
I'm just a girl who  
_

She sat in the car, and watched Haruhi reach for him. She grabbed his arm. She _couldn't_ let him go.

_Kissed a boy who _

She felt herself begin to cry. She had waited for him for _so long._

_  
Is in love..._

Haruhi fell. She saw the girl's panicked look, and all the pain came back. She had a choice. And she decided. She let him go. But not to save Haruhi's life. She let him go to save her own. She was sick. And the only way to heal herself would be to let him go.

_With... _

He smiled at her. She wondered, _how can he smile at me, after all I've put him through? _And then he thanked her. She wondered, _for what? I'm letting you go out of purely selfish reasons._

_You_

He pulled Haruhi to safety. And she wiped her tears. In two days, she had gone from an obedient daughter, to a selfish bitch, to a girl who made the right choice. Letting him leave broke her heart, because, contrary to popular belief, she did love him. But if letting him leave broke her heart, forcing him to stay would have been so much worse. Because the right choice was to heal herself from feeling sick inside. When she got back to France, she wrote Haruhi a letter, apologizing for being _a girl who kissed a boy who is in love with you._

And as she sent it, she thought that maybe, just maybe, Haruhi would write back.

**If you've gotten this far, I think that you'd probably like to know if Haruhi does write back, so just review, and if I get enough yes's then I will.**


End file.
